I meant to post this recap yesterday -- however, we had to go to London...
Kentucky for work. My life isn't that cool. To travel to the London of the east, one has to spend nearly 6 hours in a car (in a suit, obvi). But it wasn't a total loss. I learned a ton about meth production and heard egregious instances of child porn offenders.
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/sorority-wars
OK -- run @ Usain Bolt/Gillete razor Mach speed to catch this gem of a Lifetime flick. It made my entire weekend. There is nothing like prancing home from a lame-o date in your leggings to find a film like this waiting on your DVR. Add some snarky g-chat with my pal BV who loves these movies as much as I do, stir in a few large glasses of one of my favorite red wines, and you have a Saturday night that losers dream of.
Highlights:
1. Perhaps my favorite aspect of this movie is the fact that the younger she-villian is played by none other than Jody Sawyer of CenterStage fame. I am sure this actress has a real name. However, I don't know it. She will always be Jody Sawyer to me, since CenterStage is one of my all-time favorite movies. This movie was my go-to freshman yr when returning to my dorm room after fun nights at fraternity parties. I'd fire up Easy Mac and this hot VHS movie about dancers. As such, I know the movie by heart. Luckily, BV tipped me off to Jody's movie presence before I could even hit "My DVR" on the remote. I practically shrieked, "I don't want to go to college, I want to dance!" Note: this woman cannot act. But I was thrilled all the same.
2. Courtney Thorne-Smith. Where do I begin? She plays the mom of a college girl who stars in the movie. First, her name in the movie is Lutie. Clearly, Lifetime's attempt to underscore the privileged WASPiness that envelopes every sorority girl, young or old mom-alumni. I knew I should have kept the nickname Kiki that my parents kept trying to stick on me at age 5. Lutie is horrible. She makes Annie Camden on Seventh Heaven look like Mother of the Year. Honestly, she made me so happy my mom was never in a sorority. To this day, I doubt my mom really understands sororities. And I am grateful. Lutie is a wench. All her sorority-alum ladies-who-lunch friends are vicious harpies who dis her only kid at any tennis or yuppie activity throughout the film. Lutie is this crazy Delta alum that is obsessed with her daughter being one too. Sadly, I knew girls at school like this. And believe me, the fur flew if Little Precious didn't end up at Mommy's sorority house on Bid Day. Gag. Anyways, there's drama throughout the film, especially when Daughter of Lutie turns in Delta for ethical stuff (their formal gets cancelled!). Not to leave Mom's wounds without adequate salt, daughter goes Kappa -- and utilizes her talents to bring Kappa the coveted Tri-Crown prize.
3. The Kappas in this movie reminded me alot of my own sorority in college, down to the identical srat colors! My wine-infused jaw dropped when one of them told a rushee, "We're more damn fun," because my own sorority dropped that party line on us as freshman rushees (while wearing t-shirts emblazoned with the letters MDF!).
4. I died laughing during the Standards hearing between the sororities after the girl turned them in for ethics violations. I mean, the Deltas definitely violated like infinity rush rules, but when the movie's central character said, "Wow, this is like Sorority Supreme Court," I nearly spat out my Leese-Fitch. Amazing.
5. It is always legal for girls who fall through to eventually pledge. It's called a snap bid. Lord, Lifetime -- get better Greek consultants!
6. The Kappas formal was off the heezy. It was actually a foam party, aptly named a Foamal. But the protagonist's initial kiss (with a hot Beta senior, Beau) was ruined when she got ill from food poisoning. The Deltas did it!
7. My favorite line of the movie was probably, "They look like Little Whores on the Prairie." The movie's star said it when the Deltas were dressed as cowgirl-skanks for a talent show (kind of like the Lip Sync at my college). But there were so many good lines, so it was difficult.
8. A sub-plot line was the main character's not-so-cute, ill-dressed brainiac friend and roommate. What a loser. The Deltas clearly only wanted her so they could get Katie, Lutie's daughter and America's rush crush. A creepy part of the movie was when Katie uses the restroom in the Delta house and finds a sketch rush picture of her plastered on a stall door since she was the sorority's Number One Pick. Clearly, paying homage to the fact that sorority girls really do stalk young freshman prospective members. Anyways, loser girl burns Katie like sun at a redhead convention when Katie turns Dirty Rush Delta in for boozing up girls. It really made me mad. Hello? The only reason they talked to you is bc they wanted her. She was such a freak. The Deltas turn her into a pearls-and-argyle clad clone, but really only use her for her homework. Katie and loser-sidekick friend eventually reconcile at the end. I would not have been so kind, bc she was pretty nasty to Katie throughout the film. But I hold grudges, and I don't think Lifetime supports that.
9. The whole Tri-Crown thing reminded me alot of Derby Days. Except Derby Days involved fierce sorority competition AND guys AND booze. So who wins? My college.
10. My snarky friend K described Katie as "a low rent cross between hilary duff and miley." I agree. However, she is cute enough where even an STD smear campaign (Delta retaliation, obvi) probably would not be able to affect her game in real life.
All in all, a baller movie. Make it a priority if you have excessive spare time (deferred law school friends, I'm talking to you).
Other Odds & Ends from Today:
--old 90210 cracked me up with the line "Who would date a girl who takes Latin?" As a Classics major, I enjoyed Kelly's typically bratty quip.
--old 90210 also does a great job of foreshadowing. I say this bc I've probably seen every epi like 28 times. Today, it was amazing, bc at the girls' sleepover (first season), Kelly basically tells Brenda she tried to date Dylan *after* they were together. Hey Bren -- flag comma red. Because Kelly will try AGAIN (when you get shipped off to Paris) and she will SUCCEED (Dylan picks her over you). And then, she'll go total Tom Brady and get your twin brother, Brandon, too.
--I am ill. But not ill enough to miss the fact that CVS stores in Kentucky sell liquor. Finally, something about this Commonwealth I can respect. Bonus points if they let me use ExtraBucks to defray my bourbon.
--Maybe I've been wrong all along, and my dating woes stem from my not being more intellectually discriminating: http://abovethelaw.com/2009/10/ivy_league_dating.php
--I had like my 80th meltdown today. My friend L was amazing in talking me off the ledge. And...the maintenance guy may or may not have seen me melting as well. Oops!
Time to watch new 90210 and make good use of cold medications!
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